Me. Right Now. (Oh, I know, green is soooo my color)
Call me what you want, a Scrooge, the Grinch, or, appropriate for my blog, The Wicked Witch, I am really just OVER Christmas. Just plain OVER it. And trust me, I am NEVER this way, ever. I normally revel in the fact that I get to celebrate both Christmas AND Hanukkah, buying twice as many presents and celebrating not only 8 crazy nights, but an additional 2 with Christmas Eve and day mixed in, not including numerous other holiday parties and outings and such. But this year, I am just plain old over it.I think there are many contributing factors to me boycotting the holidays this year. I think the major one is that when you lose a loved one, especially around the holidays, the holidays are sad, not happy. Even though my Uncle was not a big "Christmas" guy, (he was pretty much agnostic and called Christmas "Festivus", and just went to church on that day just to appease my grandma), I still know he loved it. He spent almost every single Christmas with us since we were born, so this year, I knew it wouldn't be the same. And I know the day will be filled with sadness and us missing him so many million times more on that day than we normally do, and reliving moments of Christmas past, making ourselves sad. Funny moments of when my sister opened up a gift Christmas Eve, a white kitty stuffed animal that purred and played catch, shrieked, and her 6 year old self almost trampled my uncle as she ran round the house screaming "My Kitty!".
Another contributing factor is that even though I knew we were going to be sad, we would still go through the motions of Christmas Eve mass and going out to dinner, and the next day having pasta at my gramma and papa's house. Well, about a month ago, my grandparents got in a horrific car accident, and my grandmother fractured her pelvis, and bruised a few ribs, and is now recovering in a rehabilitation center. So, my Christmas will be spent sitting Indian style watching Xmas eve mass on a 15 in TV screen eating microwaved food in my grandmothers tiny 100 square foot room in her rehab center. Joy.
And, the third and what I (hope) think is the last contributing factor to my all out Scroogie-Grinchie-Anti-Holiday-Awfulness is that last year was the most amazing Christmas of my adult life. My mom's side of the family flew in from Chicago and we planned to do every cheesy, sugary sweet hokey amazing Christmas thing the state of Arizona had to offer. Plus, I was with my cousins, who I adore, and my cousins' daughter, my God daughter, Ava. So, having a kid to celebrate the holidays with made it 10000 times more special. Trust me, it had been many a year since Santa got a plate of cookies and milk in the Musumeci house, trust me.
We went to Zoolights, The Polar Express, a Christmas Nativity Pageant, watched the "Elf", stayed up late, slept all over the house, ate a bajillion Christmas cookies, went hiking, went to the Grand Canyon, and I really felt like a kid again at Christmas, especially seeing the sparkle in my Ava's eyes as she really believed Santa followed her all the way to Arizona from Chicago, just as I believed when I was her age. It was magical. Yet, this year, they are staying in Chicago, celebrating the holidays with their other family members.
So, I guess looking back on last year, and the Christmas's of years past, I only have heartwarming memories, while this year, I just want to blink my eyes and have it be January 2nd, so I can start fresh, and turn a new leaf. Trust me, its been hard for me to even try to turn a new leaf this year, but I know I can do it.
Hiking Pinnacle Peak Xmas Eve 2009
Ava and I at Little America in Flagstaff
Jen, Ava and I in Flagstaff at Little America, Christmas day
The North Pole, Polar Express
Ava and I singing Xmas carols on the train
My cousin Jeff and my cousin Jen's hubby, Mike, acting like a couple of homos in funny hats we found at a gift shop.
My mom and her sister, my Auntie Toni
All of us at Polar Express, me the only adult in jammies
Ava, my cowardly Lion-ess
I was being rather Scroogey last night and my mom told me to "knock off my attitude" and I said this to her,"as long as you know me, this will be the only year I will be a Scrooge, so get over it". And I will allow myself this, and only this year, to be a bummed out brat and painfully suffer through the holidays. But I promise next year, I will be my old, Jingle belling, Yuletide caroling, holiday baking, Christmas decorating self all over again. This year, let me turn green and allow my heart to be two sizes too small. I know soon it will grow three sizes too big. I will keep you all posted on my Festivus celebrations, and how I will try not to steal Christmas.
Me. Right now. (like I said, green IS my color!)
But, I do wish everyone a Happy Holiday. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!
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